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The Hotel Introduction....
Hello!!! Welcome to the CRAPPINESS HOTEL!!!
Just browse wherever you wanna go matey. Check out what we have here, who we have here...etc. There are no privacy laws at the Hotel, so feel free to barge into any room you please. In the meantime - welcome!
-- Hotel Management (H.M)

For a more detailed analysis of the place...scroll down...or for those wanting a real description, click here.

Well there's no fire in the fireplace,
There's no carpet on the floor
Don't try to order dinner, there's no kitchen anymore
But if the road's been kinda bumpy
And you need to rest a spell

Well, welcome Home to 'CRAPPINESS HOTEL'!!!!!!

If you got luggage keep it handy
But you're running outta luck....
Cuz the bellhops ain't too organized
And the elevator's stuck
So if you don't mind friendly animals and can learn to stand the smell..

Welcome Home! To "CRAPPINESS HOTEL"!!!!

Okay, the lobby's looking crappy
And we've hardly any guests
(Cuz the whole dang thing has been condemned by American Express)
Still the management is cheerful
Though the whole joint's gone to hell

Well, welcome home, to the Crappiness Hotel.

Oh there are bugz and there are lice
Sure, we have our little problems but you'll never beat the price!
We got every kind of critter
We got every kind of pest
But we treat them all as equals just like any other guest
Though you're queerer than the others
Still as far as we can tell
You'll fit right in to CRAPPINESS HOTEL!

ŠJim Henson Productions with minor alterations

"CRAPPINESS HOTEL" wishes to acknowledge our ashamed 'sponsers':